This is absolutely true — I believe that there is really only one fear — the fear that you cannot cope. Things will happen in life, many of which are outside your control. Today, amidst the global pandemic caused by COVID-19, that feels more true than ever.
So instead of putting your energy towards changing the external, which is often fruitless and exhausting, not to mention can create dysfunctional and unhealthy relationships, put your energy towards increasing your confidence that you can cope. With whatever happens.
If you’re like me, you might be a bit of a catastrophizer. Essentially that means that I’m insanely good at coming up with the worst of the worst case scenarios. I can take one unpleasant email and create a thread that has me homeless on the street. And I say that, not to be insensitive, but rather to highlight how extreme I could be when I was catastrophizing. With a dose of reality, today, I can think about: “What is the most likely worst case scenario?If that were to happen, could I cope with it?”
Notice I don’t ask myself if I would be happy with it, or enjoy it. Simply: “Could I cope with that?”
And the truth is I have coped with everything in my life so far. Evidenced by my continued presence on this earth. The same is true for you, as you’re reading this.
Each time I ask myself that question: “Could I cope with that?” I feel a renewed sense of courage. And acting from a place of courage always creates a more successful outcome — because that outcome I focus on is how I showed up — which I can control.
Otherwise, I’ll be like Peter in that scene from Forgetting Sarah Marshall where he starts to jump off the cliff into the sea, but lets his fear take over…that causes waaaay more hurt…..
